Have you ever been to a swim meet and made the biggest mistake of your life? Well I have! If you are dying to know what happened, read this book! You will not believe that I made that big of a mistake! This book is not as good as my last book because I didn't have help with Mrs. Clayton, so just be aware that this is not as good as my last book The Big Drop!
I think that I described what some of the bad things (that happened in my story) deeply, but I can't tell you the bad things that happened, you have to find it out on your own! (by reading this story!) I think that I could also work on finding better words to replace the ones that I have said twice. But, I hope that you like this story and please comment on what you like and what you think that I should work on!
I loved your story! It had so many details like dialogue, correct punctuation, proper organization etc...
ReplyDeleteI also loved your intro. It had questions in the beginning that left the reader thinking and relating about the few sentences you said before actually reading it!
I agree with Vainavi, I loved your story too. You made feel as if were I there with you. You also added A LOT of detail about how you were feeling. I loved reading it!!!
ReplyDeleteBeatrice is right about the great story and the details. That made your story really really really REALLY good. I really liked it. One thing you could work on is better word choice. You kept on saying "said". Otherwise I LOVED it.
DeleteYes, I do see that I said said a lot! It's just so hard to find better words though. I thought about finding better words than said the the whole time and it WAS hard!
DeleteOne of my only problems was that you didn't really talk about the setting. You also didn't say how old you were. I liked that you used dialouge and I could feel how you felt. Great job on your story!
ReplyDeleteYa, I started out talking about the setting, then it didn't work out, but I did say that I was opening the door to the pool, so you know that the setting so far is in the pool. And I don't think that I should say how old I am because mostly everybody that does a swim meet is scared and we're all different ages, so I don't think that it matters, but I do like your suggestions!
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